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Witches and Me

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…lolz, of course! My mummy is amazing and I must include, she is the most prayerful person I have ever met in my life.

Despite the fact that getting a credit pass in mathematics and public speaking was a very easy thing for me in secondary school, there were as well a number of things that I encountered difficulty each time I got myself involved. The annoying part of it is that all my friends usually are capable and I remain the odd one out.

Getting a girlfriend was seriously more difficult than mathematics and in fact more stressful than walking around the city of Ibadan. I tried several times and I lose self balance and organization each time I did.

Barakat indeed was very beautiful and she was my first crush in Loyola College Ibadan. I was in JSS 3 and had just spent a year in the school after transferring from Oritamefa Baptist High School around Ring Road when I was in JSS 2.

Barakat had her own way of distracting me and in seconds, I will be lost thinking about her. The first time we kissed was in front of the Principal’s office. The kiss did not last long because I woke up from my dream and after then, I vowed to ask her out.

After several taking several lessons from my friends in other school, I finally approached her but instead of telling me “yes”, she promised to think about it.

It was after the Principal had flogged me 24 lashes of pankere that I knew Barakat had reported me and ever since then, I hated her.

Honestly, I thought what Barakat did was the worst thing that I would ever experience until I tried asking other girls out as I grew older.

For real, ever since I had set my eyes on you, there has been this internal inconvenience and seriously I want to be with you always. I see future when I look into your eyes and believe me, I can build you an estate of happiness and romantic fulfilment.

Immediately I was done chanting the psalter, she looked at me, eyed me, hissed, walked out of me, stopped for a while, came back and looked at me again. I was already shaking and it was as if life was taken away from me. Then she spoke up “Tobiee! For real, is this the best you can do? Oya clap for yourself” I was about talking, then she yelled “shut up! Am I your mate? You brought your stinking mouth to spit nonsense and you still want to keep talking because I haven’t given you a slap?”  I managed to say “am sorry” she then smiled, gave me a pat at the back and said “Tobiee go and meet your bosses in this game, let them teach you, go and learn, then come back maybe I will consider you

Chaii!!! Stella really demoralized me and I felt dejected.

At 19 years of age, I still hadn’t gotten a girlfriend, not even one and this time I was doing my A-level Programme at the University of Ibadan.

I was convinced Omolade was going to say “yes” to me even though a total of 21 girls had said “NO” already.

Omolade: Tobiee what do you have to say oo?

Tobiee: seriously, I have feelings for you

Omolade: Awwnn, I have feelings for you too

(At this point, I began to blush purple, until she continued)

But my feelings is a different one, I feel you are an idiot. You talk too much and you are not even conscious of your environment. We all try to tell you but you won’t listen…

I didn’t even wait for her to complete the statement; I fled like Satan and walked out of her.

Now, I am 21 years old and the problem of getting a girlfriend doesn’t even bother me again. I now know the cause of my problem.

It is my mother. I have now agreed with myself that all the girls I asked out wanted to say “Yes” to me because they liked me but since they are witches and my mum’s prayers would affect them, they choose to say “NO

Now, any lady that says “NO” to me is a witch.

Really, I am a 200 level student of Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife and currently there is this lady I am eyeing. I seriously hope she is not a witch just like others BUT before then,

I think I have Histology, Embryology, Microbiology and Parasitology In-courses.

 

Omolere Maxi Oluwatobiee

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